Being a full-time mother is one of the highest salaried jobs… since the payment is pure love. ~ Mildred B. Vermont
I’ve always been the type of person who loved to work. I mean I would bend far and back for my job, it was always my number one priority… but Sophia knocked them out of first place. I never thought I’d see the day that I desperately did not want to go back to work. I loved doing a great job at tasks/projects that were assigned to me. I loved having a team and being its “leader” (I’m an ASM for a retail company). I work full time and would stay for longer hours than necessary. Throughout my pregnancy nothing changed. If anything I became more of a control freak. Things had to be done and they must’ve been done right! I’m more organized in my workplace than I am in my own home. I actually did more in my workplace than I ever did in my very own room… at home I’m just a lazy coocoo but at work I swear I have some OCD issues. My determination to help anyway I could definitely got me noticed by many store managers and even my DM; which I know could help me in the log run… but to tell you the truth, I could careless about any of that anymore. Let me tell you why:
Sophia is officially my first and only priority as of April 24th, 2014 (the day my princess was born, duh!) I refuse to miss out on her first year. My job would do that to me. My job consumes my life; it takes up my whole day. My schedule isn’t consistent, my availability must be flexible (am, pm, weekends, holidays)… it gets crazy. I spent more time at work more than I did in my own home… thats a fact! I cannot let my job get to me like it has these past 3 and a half years. I need to be there when Sophia finally rolls over. I have to be there when my baby starts to crawl. I must be there to hear her first real laugh. I cannot not–will not miss her first step, the first time she eats food, or when she says her first word… *obviously I’m hoping she says “mommy” first*. I’m extremely attached to my daughter, whether that may be a bad thing I really don’t care. She’s my first child. these past 3 months with her here have been incredible. I spent 9 months carrying her, how could anyone think of separating us? It’s heartbreaking.
Nowadays, people expect new mommys to “suck it up” and just get straight back to work as soon as those 6 to 12 weeks are up… as if we’ve been on some type of vacation. Have you all bumped your heads? Having a baby is work–thats why they call it labor– and everything we do after that is just as tiring as your 9-5 job. We’re working 24/7. The only difference between us Mama’s and most of you is that we love our “job”. We live for this!
I wish so badly that I could be a stay-at-home Mom. I would do anything for that… but let’s be real, that’s just unrealistic. Here’s where “the married life” takes place: I ran it by Steven, and I know he fears to struggle just as much as I do, but he sees how badly I need this… I think. I definitely think that I must at least have a year with Sophia. I need that just as much as she needs me. So… I’ve put a lot of thought into this. I’ve been applying to many many many places looking for a job (preferably monday through friday, 9-5 or 7-3) that could help me do this. I actually return to work this Tuesday, and I’m hoping I can pull myself together and hold off until I can find a place; I’ll be honest, I can see myself giving up 3 days into my first week back. Can you blame me? I don’t leave Sophia for more than 2 hours. Two hours is too long… imagine what 8 hours would do to me? I fear depression. I fear stress. I do not want my daughter to feel any of that energy.
I fear for our family to struggle, but whats life without that? What’s life without risk? What’s life without love? I love my daughter, so I’d risk anything to be with her. To learn with her. To teach her. To raise her. I believe that we need a little struggle here and there to better ourselves. I just hope that we can make it through this. I feel as though maybe I’m being selfish; selfish but it’s all for her. Everything I do is and forever will be for her… love it or hate it.
any mommy advice? feel free to share!
X’s & O’s
ps. I think I’d make an AWESOME stay-at-home Mama! 😉