Back and Forth.

Deep down, there’s a place within each of us that is made for one thing—a relationship with God. No matter how hard we try to cover it up or fill it with something else, we will never be satisfied.

I tend to find myself stuck when I think about my religion… I’m catholic, I guess I can say that. I mean, I was baptized and I believe in God. I pray. I believe in Heaven and Hell. I believe in Angels and demons. Sometimes… I don’t believe in church. I question it a lot, yet I want to be a part of it. I want to… What is it that they do, praise The Lord? I want to know Him. I want to love Him in the way that I suppose is the right way—if there even is a right way.

I sometimes find myself feeling jealous towards those who live each day of their life praising “the Lord”, who attend church and actually feel so passionately toward it. I feel a little jealous for those who took Sunday classes, and know the bible, and for those who know prayers by heart and when to say a certain prayer at a certain time. It even makes me feel guilty at times… Am I wrong for not being so involved with my religion?
Maybe I should take the time to read the bible… I mean I have plenty of time to blog, to scroll down my timeline on Facebook or twitter; I have plenty of time to scroll through Instagram… So why not? Why not give it a chance—give Him a chance?

I would actually love to get more involved in a church, maybe build that relationship with God. Attending mass (that I actually understand (I attend a Spanish church/mass and my Spanish is horrible!)) makes me feel a way that’s hard to describe… It’s nothing but pure goodness though, Holy I suppose? Maybe fulfilled. My point being it’s a great feeling, something I would love to carry around often, and able to let Sophia feel too.

It’d be good for us ❤

X's & O's



3 thoughts on “Back and Forth.

  1. Omg I love this Becky! It’s completely normal lol especially since you have a baby now. That always opens up your eyes and challenges your lifestyle to begin with. Let me just say you are not alone. I too found myself asking these questions. You probably noticed mine and Angel’s lifestyle change when Xander was born. Let me also tell you it was the best decision of my life to join a church I liked and “get closer to God.” With that being said, the word church is very religious and I don’t like that because God is about relationship not religion. Religion doesn’t change or save someone- God does. There are some things that I know you wouldn’t understand not because you can’t but because like you said, you aren’t involved enough to know them yet. I’m always open to talk if you need 🙂 and I’m definitely not talking about preaching to you but literally talking. I love discussing stuff like this because I find it so interesting how we humans have that thing that draws us to God at some point in our lives. Being raised Catholic and then another denomination at a young age, I questioned the origin of each “religion” and why and how there were differences. I wasn’t going to follow a “religion” just because my mom or family told me to. It’s too important to just go with what others told me; especially if I was going to teach it to my kids also. The number one thing I’d say to you mother to mother is definitely get closer to God but not because anyone tells you to or how to, but for yourself and don’t just follow something “because. ” Have conviction and know where that religion came from, how it started, how it’s supposed to work etc. Those are the questions that helped me. Best of luck in your journey. I’ll be praying for you 🙂


  2. ah I love this so much. I also read the comment below & it’s all very true. I don’t like the whole concept of religion, & I’m not a good example of a Christian at all, but it’s really all about having a relationship with God and what you feel inside your heart. you’re gonna get it figured all out. how I started talking to God is I wrote letters to Him all the time, & I know you’re a writer too! so maybe that can help. (:

    I’m so happy for what life is giving you. ❤


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