Feeling Like A Failure

Sophia’s finally 4months old (since like last week actually) and it’s about that time to introduce her to food–rice cereal, blah, but still extremely exciting! I’ve been so excited for this next step in our lives, I couldn’t wait for it. There’s been a lot that’s been pushing it back farther and farther but finally today we were able… to try at least–I failed miserably though. Sophia slept throughout the entire night (no complaints there it was incredible!) and usually she’ll wake up at 4 or 5 for a bottle then wake up around 7 for another… she didn’t get up til 7ish, had a bottle, then fell right back asleep til 10. That’s when I noticed something was strange. I wanted to start her on cereal around noonish, but her appetite just didn’t seem right today… it wasn’t the same, I was a bit worried and feared it would interfere with the whole introduction to cereal process. So, around 10 she was hungry but only had 2 ounces instead of the normal 5-6 ounces she usually drinks; she napped until 12 (so many hours of sleep, idk how she does it) and finally woke up. I was thrilled! Time to get to it, but I didn’t even know what to do, or how to prepare the cereal for her. I eventually calmed my nerves and got my thoughts straight, cause there were just all over the place; I couldn’t even follow simple directions, luckily I had my hubba there… but again something just wasn’t right. As soon as she woke from her nap she screamed badly, she cried badly–she rarely cries, she’s more of a whiner–she was STARVING. I mean of course… she barely drank her bottles. So, she ignored the cereal… she had no interest in the spoon… I couldn’t do it. My poor baby just wanted her bottle; I immediately made her a bottle and gave it to her (sn: she holds her bottle on her own *wipes tear from eyes*). Sophia cried so badly, she threw up… lucky for us, we had her 4mo doctors appointment today, so I mentioned this all there (completely normal they say … hmmm *side eye*).

Basically… I disappointed myselfI failed. I feel like a failure.

That happened over 10 hours ago, and I still want to hide under my sheets and crawl into a little ball, because I feel like a complete loser-mom who couldn’t feed their daughter or even introduce a spoon of cereal to their baby. I know she is ready. I know this. I know these things take time. I know I need patience… I know this step will take a lot of patience, and that we are both learning together; I just really had high hopes for that moment today… I’ve been thinking about it so much for practically 2 months. I just wanted to get this milestone rolling. I don’t blame her––never would. I just wish it would have went the way I expected or just better than what happened. But I mean does anything ever go the way we want it to in motherhood? Each milestone takes time I suppose… most of which the baby does on their own, but something that we can take part in, how could it not affect our emotions?

Any other moms ever felt like they have failed? I’d love to join that club.

But I’ll try again tomorrow… got my fingers crossed for a successful try.

x’s & o’s

Sophelys

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